#4 (the other part of the tie) Becoming Emmaline's Mom

Growing up I had always dreamed of becoming a mom.  I really did want to have at least a boy and a girl, but I think I thought a lot more about being the mom of a girl. I'm not really sure why, probably because I'm a girl and I really like being "girly".   I dreamed about dressing a little girl up in frilly dresses, getting our nails done, playing with dolls and all the other fun things I did as a little girl.  As I mentioned in my last post I love my son, he and I do have such a special bond that I didn't realize existed between a mother and son.  Even though I loved my little boy with all my heart I still really hoped that God would bless our family with a little girl.



I found out I was pregnant with Emmaline at the end  of August 2010.  Darin and I were on a trip to Washington D.C when I started to suspect that I was but I waited til we got home to take a pregnancy test.  I don't think I told Darin I was going to take the test this time because I had a special way in mind to tell him.  I took the test, saw the plus sign and then I told Darin I needed to go run some errands.  I went to Babies R Us and found a "Big Brother" shirt for Landon.  When Landon got up from his nap that day I put the shirt on him and sent him in to see Darin who was working in his office.  Darin was of course thrilled that our family was once again expanding!

When Landon was in my belly (before we knew if he was a boy or girl) we called him Ziggy for Ziggy the Zygote.  We had also talked about Emmy the Embryo but Darin liked Ziggy so that stuck with Landon.  I told Darin that I wanted to call this baby Emmy the Embryo.  He asked me if it was because Emmy sounded girly and I was hoping for a girl.  I don't remember how I answered, I probably denied it but that really was part of the reason I wanted to go with Emmy.  (My husband knows me so well.) I was convinced that Emmy was a girl from very early on.  My pregnancy was different with her, one of the biggest indicators for me was that my skin was breaking out, which never happened with Landon and I just felt different.   When we went for our ultra sound appointment I was fully expecting to find out the baby was a girl, Darin kept telling me, you know you could be wrong, it could be a boy, so you need to prepare yourself.  I told him that he was right, I could be wrong, but I really didn't think I was.  When our appointment came, I found out I was right, the baby was a girl, and the first thing I said was "Yes, I was right!"

I was so excited to have a little girl and I could not wait to start shopping.  The first thing I bought for her were these silver glitter tennis shoes that were on clearance at Babies R Us.  I actually bought two different sizes and a couple of outfits to go with them.  When I came home and showed them to Darin he asked me why I bought two pairs of them. My response was that I was restraining myself because they had them in four sizes and I only bought them in two!

I knew the name picking was going to be rough with a girl. We had really struggled to agree on a girl's name when we were pregnant with Landon so I wasn't sure how it would go.  We found out Emmy was a girl right before Christmas, so on our road trip to Memphis I took our baby name book and we read through girl names. We didn't really find anything we both loved like we loved Landon  Then on the way home we stopped for a potty break (less than an hour after I had last gone.) I told Darin I was sorry but I was pregnant and this is what happens.  Then Darin said to Landon, "Emmaline is sitting on your mother's bladder."   He said that right as I was getting out of the van, and as I shut the door and walked into the convenient store I thought Emmaline Avery, I love that name, that's it, that is her name! Then when I got back into the car I told Darin "I love that name Emmaline, I think that's it, that's her name."  I told him that it was beautiful and we could still call her Emmy for short if we wanted to.  Darin was surprised, he said he had suggested that before and I didn't like it, but I didn't remember that and I knew I liked it now.  We had a few more weeks of debating.  We had never met anyone named Emmaline so Darin wasn't sure it was a  "real name" and he made me google it.    We discovered that while it was an older name (hasn't been on the top 1000 baby names since 1915 and it was 994 then) it was a "real name".  I also discovered there is a children's book called Emmaline and the Bunny, Christian Bale's daughter's name is Emmaline, there is a band called Emmaline and several websites that sell various fashion items with the name Emmaline.  We also debated how to pronounce it, for me it was always Emma- "line", but Darin liked the pronunciations Emma "lynn" or Emma "lean".  We decided to go with "line".  Since we've named her that I've also seen it in historical fiction books and other people have told me about seeing it in books. We also found out that Darin has two ancestors (about 5 and 6 great grandmothers back) who were named Emeline.  Not the same, but pretty close! 

Darin was really scared that pink was going to explode all over our house but I actually did pretty well.  My mom and I picked out a really cute multicolor butterfly material for her nursery and we bought sparkly pastel butterflies for the walls.  I even left the walls of the nursery yellow. (Well... Darin made me leave the walls of the nursery yellow, but I didn't argue with him about it and happily found things that matched.)  My parents came to visit and help me redecorate the nursery and Landon's new big boy room.  My mom made all the bedding and curtains for the room herself, it is adorable!  My dad painted wooden letters to go over her crib and wooden butterfly pegs for the wall. The finished product was great, even Darin said he liked it and it wasn't "too pink."

My due date was April 30th and I started having contractions on and off the week before she was due.  Then on Friday morning April 29th  they started again at about 9am.  I had just talked to my friend Shelley and we planned a playdate for Landon and Tessa at her house that morning.  I knew I was having contractions before I left but I thought that it had been happening all week and they weren't very strong yet, so we would keep going with our day and see how things progressed.  I had been at Shelley's for about an hour when I knew I needed to get home because my contractions were becoming stronger and were definitely only 5 minutes a part.  I left at about 11:15am and by the time I got home they were getting pretty bad so I called Darin to come home and make lunch for Landon.  By about 12:30 I knew this was it and we needed to call our doctor and my friend Cindy to come over and watch Landon.  By time we got to the hospital it was close to 2pm, my contractions were only a couple of minutes apart and very intense.  I was doing really well with my breathing this time but I still really wanted that epidural.  Thankfully the nubain did take the edge off this time and since I knew what to expect as far as wait times for the epidural I was a nicer patient this time around.  I was progressing nicely but when the doctor came in and said she wanted to break my water I got really nervous.  You see with Landon it was right after they broke my water that things got really scary and I had to have a c-section.  I did not want to have another c-section.  Thankfully everything was fine when they broke my water, although I did keep asking the whole time I was in labor, even up until the time I started having to push, "How likely is it at this point that I will have to have a c-section?"  My nurse kept reassuring me that I would probably be fine, but I wasn't convinced.

I started pushing around 9pm and Emmaline was born about 45 minutes later.  It was incredible. I will never forget the look on Darin's face as he watched her come out or when he got to hold her for the first time.  He kept saying "This is so awesome!"  Thankfully my epidural was working well or I might have not thought it was sweet that he thought it was so "awesome".  As soon as she came out they put her on my chest and it was love at first site.  She was gorgeous. (Although her head was a little more misshapen as she was the first child to come through the birth canal and they did have to use the vacuum to help her along.)  She had a ton of DARK hair and beautiful blue eyes..  I think we were expecting another blond child because Landon was blond and so were Darin and I as babies but she definitely was a brunette (although her hair did turn blond at about 1 year old.)  

When I was pregnant with Emmaline I always wondered if I would be able to love her as much as I loved Landon.  I knew other people who had two or more children said they loved their children the same but before you have more than one child you just don't know what that's like so it was hard to comprehend loving another child as much as I loved Landon.  However the coolest thing happened to me when Emmaline was born.  I think I was expecting my love to be divided between Darin, Landon and Emmaline, that I would love Emmaline but somehow my love for everyone else would get smaller, or maybe I thought  my capacity to love would expand but it would only include this new person and my love for the others would stay the same.  What I discovered though was that not only did I have more love to give this precious new little girl but my love for Darin and Landon also increased.   It was the most amazing thing as God expanded my capacity to love it overflowed onto everyone.  That was definitely the most amazing part of Emmaline's birth for me.

"Pre-orange mesmorization"

Another one of my favorite moments came the day after Emmaline was born.  The morning after Emmaline arrived Darin went home to take a shower and get Landon to bring him up to the hospital. Landon was so excited to see me when he came into the hospital room.  He gave me a great big hug and then when I introduced him to his new sister Emmy he was mesmorized with her.   He had the sweetest expression on his face the first time he looked at her. The moment lasted for about 5 seconds and then he spotted an orange on my breakfast tray and started demanding the orange.  After he got his orange he did come back to "hold" Emmy and talk to her a little bit but I will always laugh thinking about him thinking she was just the coolest thing ever, until he saw the orange.   He did really love her right away though.  He was so good with her and experienced minimal jealousy. There were times that he would tell me to put Emmy down because he needed a hug.  I tried to hold them together on my lap a lot though and would say "Landon and Emmy the dynamic duo." Landon picked up on that pretty quickly and he would always say it too.  He also would tell me when she started crying, especially if I didn't immediately go pick her up.   Then if I didn't go over to her as soon as he thought I should, he'd lean over her and say "What's the matter little girl? What's the matter?" Then he would say, "She's okay mom, Emmy's okay."  They have grown to have a great love for each other. They play great together and he tells me sometimes that Emmy is his best friend.  I also heard him talking to her when they were playing in his room the other day.  He told her that he missed her when he was at preschool.  So cute!

Having a little girl has been just as much fun as I thought it would be.  She has this sweetness about her that is just irresistible.   She also has been such a good baby, she doesn't sleep as much as Landon did but she is happy when she is awake.  It's also been fun to watch her personality develop and see the differences between her and her brother.  I think her communication and understanding came more quickly than Landon, but she definitely took her time with her motor skills.  That was okay with me, because I already had one really fast kid to chase around, so having her stay less mobile for awhile made it a little easier.  Although now she's is up and going, trying her best to keep up with her brother and I must say she has been able to hang pretty tough with the rough older brother treatment.  Sometimes when I go to scold Landon for being to rough she just looks at me like, "It's okay mommy, I'm fine."

So far she is definitely every bit as "girly" as I could want her to be. She loves it when we linger in front of her closet and she likes to gaze at and "pet" her clothes.  She even picks out her own outfits sometimes. She also loves shoes, it was one of her first words!   I've also discovered recently that she is a girl after my own heart with her love of sparkly things.  I recently got her some sequin boots and she loves showing them off to people.  Then the other day she and I were shopping at Kohls and they already have all these red Christmas trees up that are decorated with sparkly red and pink ornaments.  Every time we would go past one she would say "ooooh" and reach out to touch them.  Yes, definitely a girl after my own heart, she loves red and all things that sparkle.

I hope one day our common interests will expand past material things and that as she grows into an adult we will become close friends.  I'm sure we will have our rough patches over her growing up years, but I pray we will get through that without too many bad scars and that we will be able to develop a really special friendship.  I think that hope is the best part of having a daughter for me.  I know Landon will grow up and start to identify with his dad more and while he (I hope) will still love me, the time we get to spend together will be less.  However I  hope that with Emmy she and I will become the best of friends and spend a lot of time together.  I look forward to helping her plan her wedding and encouraging her when she is a new mother.   I want her to feel comfortable coming to me with whatever is going on in her life and I pray I can set a good example for her as to what it means to be a woman who is pursuing God with her whole heart and life.

After I picked out Emmaline's name I looked for it in this baby name book that has the spiritual meanings of names and a verse next to them.  I don't know how accurate they are but the I loved the verse I found associated with Emmaline (well technically it was next to Emily but that was what it directed me to for Emmaline). It was Matthew 5:16, Let your light shine before men, so they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  That has been and continues to be my prayer for my sweet Emmaline.  I pray she will come to know Jesus as her Savior at a very young age and that she will always live her life in a way that when people see the way she lives her life they will give glory to God.  It's not an easy task, but I pray that God will give her the strength and ability to do it.  I know for certain she will have a mom in her corner praying for her every single day and thanking God for this beautiful amazing gift that is my daughter "Emmy".  

#4 (Tie) Becoming Landon's Mom

So if you have been following my blog you might be thinking #4?? What happened to #5? Well this post and my next post are about becoming a mother to Landon and Emmaline.  Since I said my top 5 would be my all time favorite memories I couldn't give one a higher spot then the other, therefore they will both be number 4, however I am writing Landon's first because he was born first.

I always thought that I would wait at least 4 or 5 years after I got married to have kids because I wanted to really enjoy my time with just me and my husband.  However when I decided to marry Darin he informed me that waiting 4 or 5 years would not be an option because he was getting "old".  So we compromised and waited a full year before getting pregnant. It was actually 13 months after we got married that we found out we were expecting.   I had some trouble figuring out how to read the tests (you know "faint" lines and all that.)  I ended up taking 3 just to be sure. Darin actually made me get a digital one so that he could see it said "pregnant" and not just the little plus sign.

We were so excited that we got pregnant right away.  I got online to calculate my due date and I discovered the baby would be born right around my dad's 60th birthday. So when we called to tell them I asked him how he would like to have his first grandchild as his 60th birthday gift. He and my mom of course were thrilled and said that would be wonderful!

My first trimester was filled with many of the classic pregnancy symptoms.  I have NEVER been so tired in my life.  I literally fell asleep every night at about 8pm.  I would typically fall asleep on the couch while watching TV and Darin finally started saying why don't you just go to bed at 8?  I had some nausea but thankfully only got sick a few times.  My sense of smell was extremely heightened and the worst offenders were cheerios and this pomade hair product Darin had.  

Things got better in the second trimester and I discovered that while I didn't LOVE being pregnant, I didn't hate it either.  I was extremely thankful to be pregnant and to be able to experience what it was like to carry my own child  but I wasn't one of those women who absolutely love every minute and just "glow".  Although I will say I LOVE pregnancy hair! I also had this nagging anxiety that I wouldn't like our child.  Everyone assured me that I would like him, but I had my doubts, there were some kids I'd met that I didn't like, I was really hoping my kid was not one of those. 

I really enjoyed getting ready to welcome our first child. I loved picking out all our baby items, decorating the nursery and I even enjoyed our child birth classes.  It was fun getting to be with all the expecting first time parents.  Choosing a name was interesting. We went on a road trip and took a couple of name books.  I remember when I read "Landon" Darin stopped me and said I really like that, and I paused and thought about it and I agreed that I did as well.  Then I said I really liked how Landon Robert sounded and so did Darin so from there on out that was the name if our baby should be a boy.  We had a little more trouble agreeing on a girls name, in fact we fought about it so much that we had to table the girls name discussion until after found out the sex because it just wasn't worth all the fights.  Darin however was convinced we were having a boy (as were the boys we taught in youth group at the time) and he was right, in July we found out we were in fact having a boy.

They are very close even though they don't share a b-day.

We really wanted Landon to be born on my dad's birthday, December 8th, and it was pretty reasonable because my due date was the 10th of December.  We had discovered that my dad was born on his grandfather's birthday so we thought that would be a pretty cool tradition to continue.  However Landon arrived at about 6am on December 9th.  Little stinker missed it by 6 hours!  I remember I started having contractions on the 8th, but they were mild and were coming and going.  We had a doctor's appointment that day but she said they weren't strong enough for it to be labor.   I said but they are coming every five minutes and lasting for close to a minute (which was the marker she had given me).  She watched me have some and said yeah but this isn't it, she said you'll know when its real labor contractions.   I found myself very confused and was doubting her until about 1:30am when I was woken from a deep sleep with the most excruciating pain I've ever felt IN MY LIFE.  After I got through a few "real" contractions, I thought "oh this is what she meant by you'll just know."  We were suppose to wait till they had gone on consistently for an hour, however after a half an hour of THE MOST EXCRUCIATING PAIN IN MY LIFE, I had Darin call the doctor and ask if we could come in.  Thankfully he said yes and I was on my way to get that epidural, ahem.. I mean to meet our son.

Much to my disappointment when we arrived at the hospital I discovered that I could not immediately get my epidural!  Also all the breathing techniques I had been learning in four weeks of child birth classes went right out the window.  I held my breath and gritted my teeth.  Apparently before they give you an epidural they have to ask you a million questions (that I had already answered on my preregistration forms) and pump you full of fluid.  In the meantime they gave me nubain which the nurse said would take the edge off the pain but in fact didn't do anything except make me feel really out of it.  I don't remember much about the next few hours, except that the nurse kept telling me to be careful because she didn't want me to fall off the bed and Darin had to fill out a ton of paperwork (again that I thought we'd already taken care of) and I really just wanted him to come hold my hand.  I also remember really not liking my nurse so much.  She seemed really hyper for the middle of the night, and she kept telling me in the middle of my contractions to be careful not to fall of the bed. Finally after about 2 hours of begging for my epidural and waiting for my IV bag full of fluids to be emptied a wonderful doctor came in and stuck a needle in my back and I felt so much better!!

Pretty soon after that another doctor came in and broke my water. He said there was myconium (baby poop) in it so they would have to have a respiratory doctor in the room when we delivered to make sure Landon hadn't gotten any in his lungs.  Not long after that time though the nurses started acting funny and playing with the monitor on my belly.   Then the doctor came back and said the baby's heart rate had dropped and they needed to do an emergency c-section.  I was shocked because everything had been going well, they said I was progressing well and would have the baby "soon".   I was also kind of out of it when he told me because I remember kind of arguing with him and asking if I could try a different position to see if it would help.  The doctor was annoyed and let me try but it didn't work and he said we need to do this now, which was very scary.  They wheeled me out and took Darin to get scrubs on.  They were cutting me open before Darin even got in there, I remember I kept asking for him and they said he was coming and wouldn't miss it. I remember I didn't have any pain but I could feel them pulling my stomach apart.  That was a really strange sensation.  Darin made it in just in time, they got Landon out safely and when I heard his first cries I started crying.  That freaked everyone out and the doctors started asking me if I was in pain, I told them no, I was just so excited to finally hear my little boy.  I couldn't believe he was actually here!  Soon Darin had him in his arms and showed him to me as they were sewing me back up.  He was the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.  His head was shaped perfectly and I thought he looked just like Darin's baby picture.

 I don't really remember anything after that until we were back in the recovery room and they were weighing Landon and Darin was taking pictures.  Darin came and laid Landon on top of me but my epidural was still in effect and I couldn't really feel anything even in my arms, so I asked him to take him back after a minute or so because I was afraid he was going to roll off of me.  The rest of the day was pretty amazing.  Our pastor, Jeff, came by soon after Landon was born and that was really special to have him there for a little bit but other than that it was just me, Darin and Landon for the rest of the day.  (Well and a bunch of doctors and nurses.) It was one of the most favorite days of my life.  I had dreamed of becoming a mom since I was a little girl and I was finally getting to meet my first born.   When the feeling came back into my body I spent lots of time cuddling with my precious little boy.  Also that first day I had some really strong pain killers coming through the IV so I felt pretty good until about 7pm when the IV ran out and I had to go to pills. The rest of our three days there I was in a lot of pain from the c-section, so I didn't enjoy that quite as much.

Darin and I really thought (and still do think) that Landon was the most beautiful newborn I've ever seen. I was prepared to not think he was cute, as I think most newborns look pretty smashed and misshapen for the first few days or weeks, but he was gorgeous. Perfect head shape, beautiful eyes and the sweetest lips.  All the doctors and nurses commented on how cute he was. Yes I'm sure they do that for all the babies, but I remember the nurses would look at him would say, "Wow, He is really cute!" And then they would look at me like really, he's exceptionally cute.



This little boy that God has given us has totally turned our world upside down for the better.  I admit I had a rough first few months, I really struggled with baby blues and the mother/child bond took a little longer than I had hoped it would.  I loved him right away but it honestly took me awhile to feel connected to him.  Everything was just so new and I had never experienced anything like this before, it was terrifying at first. Plus I was breastfeeding and I had a lot of trouble with that in the beginning so it was very stressful.   I was so glad I had my mom and dad come and stay with us for the first week.  They were a huge help with taking care of Landon as well as emotional support for me.  There is nothing that makes you appreciate your mom more than becoming a mom.

After I got into the groove of motherhood and got the breastfeeding figured out, I really started to fully enjoy my son.  Landon was such a good baby.  He slept all the time, started sleeping through the night fairly early, I'm pretty sure by 10 weeks or before he could go 6 hours or more.  There is no better gift to a new mom than 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep.  Landon also just had the best nature, as he began to develop his personality we discovered that he really was a happy baby. He smiled and laughed  all the time and was just so much fun. I remember one day asking Darin what his favorite thing about Landon was, and he said he loved what a happy baby Landon was.  I loved watching Darin with his son.  It made me feel loved just watching Darin show love to Landon. 

It's a good thing Landon was so happy and fun, because while he was a really good baby, he was also very active once he got to be mobile.  He was (and is) really fast.  I always say he didn't learn to walk, he learned to run and he learned to do that by 11 months old!   I have enjoyed him so much, even though he keeps me running (literally) all the time.   Not only is Landon fast but he is also very strong willed, which is a challenge, but I know God has given me the child I need and Landon the parents he needs.  He also has a very magnetic personality.  He makes friends wherever he goes and seems to draw people.  This trait about him is really interesting to me because when I was pregnant I told Darin I wanted to claim a verse for Landon when we prayed for him. The verses we picked was 2 Corinthians 2:14-17, was about being like the fragrance of Christ and that Landon would be a person who draws people to Christ like a sweet aroma, draws people to something.    So my prayer for him has always been that he would come to know Christ personally at a young age and then for the rest of his life, that he would live his life in such a way that draws people to Christ.  I do see in him, even at 3 years old, a love for God beginning to grow.  Also I've seen God use Landon with his sweet personality and outgoing nature to help me connect with other moms and get to share Christ's love with them. It's been pretty incredible.

One of the biggest insights I had when becoming a mother for the first time was a glimpse of how God must feel about us.  Obviously I am not humanly capable of loving anyone as much as God loves us but by becoming a mother I think I gained a better understanding of his unconditional love for us.  I've come to realize that my children are really the only people in this world that I love 100% unconditionally. Its not something I had to try to do, it just happened and I really can't imagine anything they could do that would make me stop loving them.  Yes they could hurt me in many ways, but I think I would still love them despite that hurt.  I was hesitant to share this because I don't want to devalue my love for Darin.  I do love Darin very much, but I choose to love him.  I choose to love him more than our kids and put his needs first.  However I know deep down that my love for Darin is somewhat conditional. As much as I hate to say it, there are things that he could do that would probably make me stop loving him.  I hope that never happens, I don't for see it happening, but I think it would be possible if he hurt me bad enough that I could chose not to love him anymore.  I don't feel like I have that choice with my kids. I feel like I can't help but love them, which I think must be how God feels about us.

Another insight I've gained with the birth of Landon is how strong and special the bond is between a mother and son.  It is such a special relationship, I adore him and he adores me.  I know it won't always be like this, one day another women will come into the picture and he will adore her, which is what is suppose to happen, but I am really loving the relationship we have right now and I will treasure it always, as I treasure him.   

  

#6 Summers with Grandparents

I know so far I have tried to do these in chronological order but that is ending with this post.  I had said before my top five posts would be my most favorite experiences of my top 30 (except of course for the Being Born a Ricks post, that also would be in my most favorite experiences, but it seemed better to start out my blog with that post.)   I had been contemplating what I wanted to do for my #6 post because I had one spot left and I was debating between a few different things until the other day when I realized that I forgot to include a VERY important childhood memory, the summers I spent with my grandparents.  When I realized that I had forgot that, I knew I would have to venture out of order a little early and go back to my childhood so that I could include these 2 wonderful summers in my top 30.  Quick disclaimer, all the pictures, except one, featured in this post are unfortunately not from either of those summers. All the old family albums are at my parents house, but I don't think there were a lot of pictures taken during those summers anyways.  So I used what I had to show off my wonderful grandparents. 

I've always lived far away from my grandparents.  My dad got transferred several times for work which took our family to Texas and then Ohio.  My dad's parents lived in Florida and my mom's parents lived in Alabama.  I loved my grandparents very much but I usually only got to see them two or three times a year so my time with them was always very special.  They both lived in pretty cool locations, my mom's parents lived in a house that was right on the Alabama River.  It was a beautiful house in a very picturesque setting. Their yard was always immaculate, filled with all kind of flowers and trees.  Plus there was the amazing view of the river.  In fact that's what we called it when we talked about going to see my grandparents, we'd say we're going to "the river."   My dad's parents lived about 30-40 minutes from the beach in Florida so it was always fun to get to go to the beach when we were visiting them. 

The summer after my third and fourth grade years I got to go spend a month visiting my grandparents.  The first summer I went I remember mom had asked me a few months before if I would like to go stay with my grandparents for awhile this summer.  She was organizing a mission trip to New Orleans for the youth group at our church  and she knew she'd be busy getting ready for that plus she would be gone for a week. So she asked me if I'd like to go stay with my grandparents for a few weeks.  I was a little nervous about being gone that long but I loved my grandparents and knew I would have fun.  Plus my brothers had both spent a summer visiting grandparents when they were 15 so I thought it was pretty cool that I would get to do it at 10!  We worked out the plans, my parents would take me down to Florida and I would stay with my dad's parents for about 3 weeks and my mom's parents for a week. (My mom's parents were a little older so that was why I didn't spend as long there, it would have been pretty tiring for them to have me there that long.) Then my mom would pick me up in Florida on her way back from Louisiana. The next summer I went back because I had so much the previous summer and my mom was helping with another mission trip, this time to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Grandma Ricks and I at my college graduation.

I had so much fun those two summers!  My Grandma Ricks and I were buddies and we had a blast together.  We would go shopping and have lunch out at Pizza Hut. (She always let me pick and I picked Pizza Hut a lot.)  I remember I introduced Grandma to the personal pan pizza, she had never had one before and she thought they were the best thing! I loved to read and my grandma would take me to bookstores and buy me all kind of books.   I really built up my collection of The Babysitters Club and Sweet Valley Twins and Friends during those summers.  I remember when I finished my last one she would say, "You read all those books already??!! Guess we better go get you some more!"  I still remember how much fun it was for me to sit on the floor at the bookstore getting to go through all the books and see which ones I wanted.

My grandma was recently retired but still volunteered out at the Navy base, so I would go out there with her and "help". I remember us playing a lot of tic tac toe while we were doing that, I guess the volunteer job wasn't very demanding.  She'd also take me to the movies, we went to see several I think, but the one that stands out to me was "Straight Talk" with Dolly Parton.  We also spent quite a bit of time with my Great Aunt Althea and her granddaughters, Alex and Kris, were close to my age.  Aunt Althea had a swimming pool at her house so we went swimming a lot but I also remember going roller skating, well I don't think my Grandma roller skated but my cousins and I did.

Grandma Ricks also taught me how to make fried ocra.  She always made the best fried okra, we would slice it pretty thin and toss it in cornmeal, then fry it. It was so delicious and crispy! My Grandad Ricks really liked to have ice cream so we got to have that a lot for dessert.  My Grandad wasn't doing well during that time, I think it was the beginning of his Alzheimers, so he didn't go places with us, but we always had dinner together and it was fun getting to spend that time with him and my grandma.  They were always teasing each other about something, well he was teasing her, and she was usually scolding him because he forgot to put his teeth in.   He seemed to do just fine eating without them!  At the end of every day we would always stay up late and watch Crook and Chase on the Country Music Network, eat popcorn and drink coke.  Thinking about all this yummy food I ate makes me wonder if I didn't come home a few pounds heavier! Good thing I was young and had good metabolism.

Speaking (writing) of good food, my weeks with my mom's parents, who I call Grandmommy and Granddaddy, were also filled with great food.  My Grandmommy was a great cook.  She taught me how to make chocolate pie, which is still my all time favorite dessert.  When I spent the week each summer with Grandmommy and Granddaddy my cousin April would come as well.  There were 10 grandkids on that side of the family.  April and I were the two youngest and our birthdays were only 6 weeks a part so we always really enjoyed getting to be together.  I remember the four of us would play cards. At first we played rummy, but then they taught us how to play Canasta, which I don't remember how to play at all anymore but I do remember people were impressed that we learned how to play that so young.  I also remember it took a long time to play, but we were having fun so we didn't care. 

Kelly, April & I ( I failed at the cool look!.)

One of the summers must have been the summer of 92 because the Democrat National Convention was on and I remember watching it.   My oldest cousin Kelly was there for a few days with her boyfriend Matt (now husband).   I remember Kelly taught me how to shuffle cards (using the "riffle  shuffle", I use to call it the bridge shuffle, but I just looked it up and its called the riffle).  If you read this Kelly, I just want to thank you for teaching me that skill.  I've used it quite a bit, in fact in high school I was playing cards with a cocky boy who was not shuffling right.  I asked him if he wanted me to shuffle and he said girls can't shuffle, so I promptly grabbed the deck and wowed him with the shuffling skills you taught me! I also remember you told me one night while we were watching the news "Never wear pink eyeshadow, it makes you look dead."  To this day I have never even tried on pink eyeshadow.

Making apple butter with April.

Some of my other favorite memories about those weeks with Grandmommy and Grandaddy was the day that we made apple butter and canned it.  I had no idea how much work it was, but we really enjoyed doing it.  We also had a lot of fun going boating on the river.  They had really nice neighbors who would take us out on the weekends but during the week my grandaddy would attach this old knee board to the back of his boat and he would pull us on that.  It was a lot of fun and I was super proud of myself because I got to where I could stand up on it.   

I treasure those memories of my two summers with my grandparents. I feel so blessed I was able to spend that quality time with them.  I highlighted those two visits in this post, but I truely enjoyed every time I got to see my grandparents.  I mentioned how much they have all meant to me in my very first post but I didn't really get to share any specific memories.  There are so many fun memories I have of all of them. 

 

My Grandaddy M taught me how to shoot a bb gun and drive a boat.   He would let me sit on his lap and "drive" his old yellow truck around. He had the best sense of humor and had this great laugh that was like a silent chuckle, he didn't make any noise but his belly would  shake.  He also gave the best hugs, they were super tight and he wouldn't let you go until he was good and ready.  My Grandmommy M had a terrific smile and she was pretty funny when she wanted to be as well. She was always working hard and serving others. What stands out most to me about them though is that I always saw the love of Jesus in them. 

My Grandma Ricks and I were such good friends. I always have enjoyed being with her.  Whenever I went to visit her we would stay up late into the night talking about what was going on in my life.  She always took me seriously and never made me feel like a child. I think that was why I was so open and honest with her.  My Grandad Ricks was ornery but very funny.  He'd whip out a whitty remark in the most unexpected moments. One time we got cashew chicken from our favorite chinese place and we were reading our fortune cookie messages out loud and when we asked him what his said, he pretended to read it and said "Give all your money to Cathy".  We all cracked up laughing and my mom told him "Oh good, I was hoping you would!"    I remember he also had a special glass he would always drink out of, it was glass mug of sorts.  I don't see ones like it very often, but whenever I do it makes me smile and think of my wonderful grandfather. 

This post was pretty emotional for me to write because I only have one grandparent, my Grandma Ricks, still living.  It makes me really sad that Darin and my kids haven't ever gotten to meet the other three, but I know they would all have loved each other.   I think that's why its good to do things like this, write down your memories of the special people you love while can still remember them well.  That way even though they are gone, those memories can continue to be shared and these people can be more than just a "picture" to my kids.  I am very thankful that my Grandma Ricks is still around and has gotten to know my husband and kids.  She now goes by GG (Great Grandma) and that's great because the kids always learn to say that really fast. In fact both my kids have learned to say that before their other grandparents names.  I cherish the time we get to spend with her and I tell her that she has to live forever because I don't know what I would do without her.  She won't make me any promises but I think she'll be around for a long time.  She turns 88 this year and she still works because she enjoys it.  She's able to travel to see us at the holidays and other special occasions and you would never guess she's in her late 80's. 

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When I was younger and would hear people talk about losing a grandparent I would think oh well, it's probably easier to lose them because they're older.  Well I have learned 3 times that it doesn't matter how old they are, it's not easy to say goodbye to someone who is so precious to you.  I still  miss the ones that have passed away terribly but I'm thankful that I will see them again one day and I'm grateful that I was able to have them in my life for a long time. They have each been a precious gift in my life and I am so blessed to have known them.
 


GG, I know you are a faithful reader, so I hope you enjoyed this post.  I love you so very much.  Thanks for all the great memories, I look forward to making many more together! :) 
  

#7 Being the Mother of Young Children

 I find people are very divided on the whether or not they enjoyed having young children.  (When I say young I mean babies to preschool age.)  Some people say they are so glad that stage of life is over, that their kids are more independent now and they would not want to go back that or have any more babies.  Other people seem to have really enjoyed that time of parenting and long for those days when their kids were cute and cuddly and as many have said the problems, while at times frustrating, were much easier to solve than teenage problems.  I definitely fall into the category of LOVING this baby/preschool stage.  Now I will admit this is the only stage of parenthood I have experienced as my oldest is not yet 4.  However even though I have nothing to else to compare it to I am really enjoying and savoring this time in mine and my children's lives.

So why do I love having young children so much?  Here are my top 5 reasons.

#1 I love all the hugs and kisses you get as well as the unconditional love.  If you know me well you know I am a very affectionate person.  My kids get hugs and kisses all the time, and they love it. They also love to give me hugs and kisses.  (Except Emmy, she's been ornery this past week and refuses to give mommy kisses, whenever I ask her for one she turns her head and says "Noo!"  She will however give her brother and dad kisses! Little stinker.)  Landon is very free with his hugs and kisses and never seems to run out of them.   I love that he will come up to me and give me a great big hug and kiss and say "I love you!" Then we get into his favorite I love you arguments where when I say back to him, "And I love you!"  He responds, "No, I love you!" and much to his delight we go back and forth until I tell him that we can love each other.  Sometimes he even beats me to the punch.  I've thrown him for a little bit of a loop lately though by saying I love you too or I love you more. Even though Emmy has been stingy with her kisses lately she is not stingy with her hugs or excitement to see me.  She lets me know I'm still her favorite lady around and I'm so glad that I am.

#2 Hearing "Mommy, you're my best friend".  It is so great to be greeted by a little who boy who runs up and gives me a great big hug and says "Mommy, you're my best friend!"  I savor those moments.  I seriously want to get this recorded so I can play it for him one day when I make him mad as a teenager and he tells me how awful I am.  Or even just play it for myself so I can remember how much he use to like me.  I remember a friend saying to me one day how much she loved the toddler/ preschool stage because your kids are your little buddies, they go everywhere with you and you just really get to enjoy a lot of special time with them.  I've thought a lot about this since she said that to me a couple of years ago and I have found myself very much enjoying having two little buddies that I get to spend my days with.  Yes I do need a break from time to time, but I do really enjoy my children and our outings (you know as long as they don't have a screaming fit at some point!)  I have become pretty good (not perfect) at doing my grocery shopping with both of them accompanying me.  (I do really enjoy when I get to go by myself though, but most of the time I take them with me.)  We go to story time at the library together.    I love our trips to the park and pool.  Some of my friends tell me they would go crazy being a stay at home mom, and I admit its not for everyone, but I really love that I get to spend so much time with my kids. I love that I get to get my kids up in the morning and we can usually do whatever we want to do.  I enjoy getting to snuggle with them, read them books and teach them new things throughout the day.  I remember looking at Landon when he was about 6-8 weeks old and I thought I can't imagine having to leave you for a good portion of the day.  I thought "I would miss so much."  I know some moms have to do it and I admire them for providing in that way for their families.  However, I'm really thankful that as of right now I do not have to do that and I can just enjoy my kids every day. I admit I do have moments that they are driving me crazy, but I've found that usually its nothing that an hour or so of PBS kids and a good afternoon nap can't fix!

#3 Having a lot of control over my kids lives.  I know this makes me sound like a control freak mom. I'm really not, and I do realize that I cannot control everything that happens in my kids lives.  What I mean by this is that this is the time in my kids lives that I will have the most control over how they spend their time and with whom they spend their time.  All to soon I will have to give a good portion of their days over to the public school system and a teacher will dictate how they spend 6-7 hours of their days.  We will have to work around school calendars for vacations and fun family outings.  Our evenings will be filled with homework and possibly sporting activities.  Also now I pretty much get to pick their  friends. I schedule their play dates and if I don't think a child is a good influence or maybe I think they're mean to my children I can make sure they don't spend a lot of time with those children.  Once they start school that choice will become theirs.  Yes I can give them advice and encourage them to avoid certain people who are not the best influences, however it will ultimately be their choice to chose who they spend time with during school.  Also. I can't just keep them away from mean kids. Landon as of now has the sweetest, outgoing nature.  He makes friends easily wherever he goes and no kid is ever a stranger to him.  He will play with anybody.  I love that about him, the innocence and accepting attitude he has.  However when I watch him making new friends at the park or wherever we might be that day I can't help but think someone is going to crush his sweet spirit one day by rejecting him.  That thought breaks my heart and I pray that he'll be able to bounce back from the rejection and not let it permanently wound or change his personality.  I also pray that he won't be the bully who crushes another kid's spirit.  It makes me so sad to think about all those things, so that why I like the amount of control I have over their lives.

 

#4  Problems are (fairly) simple to solve.  This kind of goes hand in hand with #3 but I'll give it a brief explanation.  With young children I've found that most of the problems I've encountered so far are pretty small on the grand scale of life.  They are hungry you feed them, they are whiny, you ignore them or find something to distract them, they are wet, you change their diaper.  They get hurt its usually physical, so you kiss it, put a bandaid on it or worse case take them to the doctor.  Yes there are some challenging phases but I feel the worst issues are yet to come.  I haven't had to listen to my child cry because some boy or girl has broken their heart.  I don't have to worry about what their doing when their out with their friends.   I get to tuck them into bed every night and I know they are home safe and sound until we get up in the morning.  No worrying where they are at, what they are doing or who they are with!  I will make this disclaimer though that the potty training problem was not easy.  I think we are pretty much now over that hurdle, but it has been a long 9 months and by far my least favorite part of parenting thus far. 

#5 All the cute things they say!  I told Landon the other day, "You are so smart Landon. Do you know you're smart? " He responded, "Yup, K-mart smart!"   My kids literally crack me up with all the funny things they say and do.  Landon obviously has more as Emmy is just learning to talk, but she definitely has her cute things she says as well. In fact pretty much everything she says is cute because she is just so stinkin cute!  Here's a list of some of my favorites:

• Landon was 13 months old standing up by our end table banging on some Bibles sitting there and  "preaching" in gibberish for about 20 minutes.  
• When we use to sing the BIBLE with Landon when he was little he would sing it, "I stand alone on the word of ME!"
• Landon has  photographic memory (like me) and at two years old we drive by a Dunkin Donuts and he says "I want Dunkin Coffee". We do not go into Dunkin Donuts ever, but he had remembered the commercial and recognized the sign.
• Landon use to say "Die, Die" instead of "Bye, Bye".  It was slightly disturbing to hear a one year old say that to you while smiling and waving....
• Whenever we sing the BIBLE during our family worship time Emmy yells "Bible" at the end. It was one of her first words, so precious! 
• When we drive down a hill or a big curve both kids yell "Wee" from the back seat.
• The other day Landon told me he wanted Daddy to come home so he could play a game with him.  I asked him what game he wanted to play, he responded, "step on him."   When Darin comes home he lays on the floor and plays with the kids and then they will usually end up jumping and climbing on him.  I didn't know until he told me that, that it was a game with the official name "step on dad".
• I love it when they start to learn to express themselves, like the other day we were at one of our summer outdoor church services and Emmy saw a slide on the other side of the park.  She pointed and said "slide" and I said yes, that's a slide.  She was trying  to tell me she wanted to leave the service and go to the slide, so she pointed again and said very determinedly , "slide, go, go slide".  So cute! 
• When both of the kids give kisses they say "munch" as they give the kiss.  So we say give me a munch! 
• Recently Landon was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle and he looked up and said," Mom, I'm trying to do some serious puzzles over here!" 

• Emmy loves to pretend to talk on the phone and will say Hi, then some gibberish and then bye.  Also at about 1 year old she learned to anticpate when I was about to say bye to whoever I was talking to, maybe my voice tone changed and every time right before I was about to say it she would say "Bye".

 
• One of my all time favorites is from Mother's Day this year. Landon told me he wanted me to make him breakfast in bed and that he wanted honeyed french toast with blueberries, sassafras tea, and beautiful red roses.  That was from a Barenstein Bears book we read, but he had the concept a little confused and when I told him that he was suppose to make me breakfast in bed for Mother's Day he said "No mom, you make me breakfast in bed." 

I feel so blessed to be in this stage of life.  I have always loved young children but I did use to wonder how I would handle dealing with them 24 hours a day every single day.  I worried it would get boring or that I wouldn't like them after they got out of the cute baby stage. I'm glad to report that I do like my kids very much and it is not boring!  They definitely keep things lively around here.  As much as I love this stage and am savoring these sweet times, I pray that I will be one of those few parents I meet who  really enjoy every stage of their kids lives.  However to my children I want to say whether or not I enjoy every stage as much as I enjoy this one, I know for certain that I will never love you, my sweet children any less.  I've come to love you more and more every single day of your lives. You bring an incredible amount of joy and laughter to our lives.  Most importantly you have taught me so much about the relationship we have with God.  Being a parent has helped me have a better understanding of how God sees us and how He feels about us.   You are without a doubt some of the good and perfect gifts He has given me and I thank God every day for each of you! 
 


 

#8 Getaways with Darin

Let me preface my post by saying that I love my children dearly, they are delightful little people, most of the time.  However as any of you who have ever had children know, they are also really needy little people who on certain more "challenging" days can use up every ounce of energy and strength you have.  Some days I find myself at bedtime feeling like a mini tornado (or two) went through my house not only because there is stuff everywhere, but also because I feel like I've been knocked off my feet and twisted around and and around and all I want to do is lie still on my bed  in absolute silence or you know watch some sort of mindless television without any one asking me for something!  You know what I mean?  On those days I unfortunately have nothing left to give to my wonderful husband because well the kids took it all.  That is why I have found it so important to have getaways with my husband.  I love getting away with just he and I, whether its for a date night or a fun trip somewhere.  The trips are obviously the most fun, but the date nights help tide us over in between trips as circumstances (and finances) don't always allow us to go on trips.  Also my husband is a pastor, which is a job he loves, but can be very stressful emotionally and its nice to go away, relax and just have "us" time.

Our first getaway together was our honeymoon to a Couples resort called, Swept Away outside of Kingston, Jamaica.  Deciding to splurge and go on a really nice honeymoon was definitely one of the best decisions we have ever made in our marriage.  A honeymoon was a once in a lifetime trip and we felt it deserved a nice trip. We had no idea what life was going to throw at us or when we would be able to go on a trip like that again, so we just did it and it was amazing! Now we had put money aside for this trip so we were fortunate to be able to do it, I don't know that I would recommend splurging if you are going to have to put it on a credit card and be paying it off for years and years to come.

Swept Away is an all inclusive resort for couples only and we enjoyed a week I will never forget. It was an all inclusive resort with 3 pools, 5 restaurants, a hot tub, a huge beach area, and lots of fun activities that were included for free, like sailing, paddle boating, water skiing and snorkeling.    The food was great, and you could eat as much as you wanted, anytime you wanted.  Also one of our favorite "little things" about the resort was that they had these beach chairs with rubber cushions that you could use as a flotation device in the ocean or the swimming pools.  I still remember lounging out in the ocean with my new husband, soaking up some sun as we enjoyed our wedded bliss!  It didn't hurt that we knew it was snowy and freezing back home.  They also had dancing and various other entertainment in the evening that was fun, but some nights we just went back to our room and hung out, we watched movies, played dominoes, and just enjoyed being together.  I remember thinking a few times, I can't believe I'm on a trip by myself with a guy and its okay!  I know I was innocent, but that's okay, I'm thankful for that innocence.

Our next big vacation we went on was a trip to Ft. Myers with my side of the family.   It was a really relaxing fun week.  It was pre-children for all of us so it was probably the last totally "relaxing" family vacation we'll  have for a long time.  I was actually pregnant with Landon on that trip but it was pretty early.  On that trip Darin and I decided it would be fun to rent a scooter and go explore.  It was fun, for him. I unfortunately did not respond well to the heat, fumes and bumpiness and I began to feel pretty unwell (I'm sure the pregnancy factor didn't help), but I tried to stick it out for as long as I could,  I think he finished the ride by himself though. 

The next two years were filled with adjusting to parenthood and most of our vacations time was spent traveling to show off our new son to our extended family members.  However, when he was about 15 months old we decided it was time for mommy and daddy only getaway.  I remember we were watching the superbowl and they were advertising a huge sale on apple vacations and it got us starting to think and look at options for a trip. However, it got pushed aside with the "practical" thoughts of should we spend money on this and who would take care of Landon?  Then a few weeks later we rented a movie called Couples Retreat where these couples go on a getaway to this island paradise to work on their marriages.  Seeing the island paradise pushed us over the edge so we got online found a really good deal (less than we would have spent on a beach vacation somewhere in the states).  It included airfare and the resort was all inclusive.  So we called my parents, asked them to watch Landon and then we booked our trip!

We went to Cozumel, Mexico and had a wonderful time.  It was great to reconnect and relax at a beautiful beach resort after a draining (but rewarding) 15 months of adjusting to parenthood and wading through some difficult times in our ministry.  This resort was not quite as big as the resort we went to in Jamaica, but it was nice and the price was great.  My favorite thing we did during that trip was snorkeling out in the reef area. That was without a doubt my favorite one day adventure Darin and I have ever had together. It was beautiful, the water was so clear, the fish and coral were so beautiful, it was incredible to be so close to nature. It did end up being an extra excursion in our trip but it was well worth it. If you ever have the chance to go to Cozumel you have to go snorkeling, it is amazing.  I still vividly remember being out in the middle of the ocean with Darin, floating facedown in the water, holding hands and admiring God's beautiful creation swimming all around us.  It was incredible.  I hope we get to go back one day.   

Besides loving the beach, another interest that Darin and I share is history. We are both big history nerds. We love learning about history and exploring historical places.  So in August of 2010 we had the opportunity to take another getaway (just a short 5 months after our trip to Cozumel, we were definitely splurging that year).  This time we only had a few days so we decided to go to Washington DC.  I had never been there before, but I had always wanted to go. Darin had been but he was excited to take me and explore our nations capital together.  We made it a full blown history trip and even got an audio book about the founding fathers to listen to on our drive.

We had the best time. After our honeymoon, this was my second favorite getaway with the love of my life. We had two days to explore so we bought a trolley pass which allows you to go to all the hot spots and get on and off as you like. We toured the capital first, then the library of congress, saw the Jefferson and Lincoln monuments, we could see the White House from afar there but we didn't plan out trip enough in advance to get to take a tour, something I would love to do if we ever get to go back. Then we went out to Arlington, saw the eternal flame at Kennedy's grave (I was kind of underwhelmed by that, not sure what I was expecting, but I guess that wasn't it.) We also saw the changing of the guards at the tomb of the unknown soldier (one of Darin's favorite things), and we walked through the Robert E. Lee's house.  It was all pretty interesting. .

The next day we went to see George Washington's home, Mt. Vernon, which was my favorite part of the trip.  I love seeing old homes and the tour guide told some really interesting stories about the Washingtons.  Plus I was a little bit in awe of being in the same place where Washington had lived. I know he had his flaws and was merely a human being but he was such an extraordinary man who was an integral part of the start of this "great democratic experiment".  They also have an amazing museum where I learned so much about his life.  Plus I really like the personal side of history, its good to learn about battles, conventions, foundational documents, etc, but I like to learn about what the people were like, what their family life looked like and all those kinds of things.

D's shirt says "I'm really excited to be here."

After we spent the morning at Mt. Vernon we headed back to DC to visit a few museums including the national archives. It was pretty cool to see all those famous documents up close but I admit I was a little underwhelmed there as well.  Next we headed to the museum of natural history and we got to look at a really cool jewel exhibit.  Then we got dinner downtown and headed back to our hotel, totally exhausted but in the best way possible.  It was a great trip, probably a little too short to really be able to see everything, but we had a great time.  We got to see and learn so much on that trip and it was cool because since we both enjoy history, it gave us a lot to talk about. I love that my best friend shares my passion for history. We are looking forward to some more similar adventures one day.

This past year we've also had two adventures (we take a year off after having a baby so I guess we feel we have to make it up the following year by having two adventures.)  We went back to Ft. Myers, but this time with our kids and Darin's parents.  It was a really fun week.  It wasn't just a getaway with the two of us but thanks to having the grandparents around we did get plenty of alone time and we got to watch our kids enjoy the beach and (mostly) the pool.


Our second trip was just a few weeks ago, we got to go on an overnight to Niagara Falls while my wonderful in-laws watched the kids.  Darin had never been to the Canadian side so we decided to stay over there and it was wonderful getting to enjoy God's amazing creation with my favorite person.  Plus it was really nice to finally getaway just  the two of us, I hadn't been away from Emmy since she was born, so we were due an overnight alone.  We did the classic touristy things, Journey Behind the Falls, the movie Niagara in the making and Maid of the Midst.  We also enjoyed a really nice dinner at a restaurant overlooking the falls. On the way home we stopped in Buffalo and had dinner at the anchor bar which is the place that made buffalo wings famous.  They were really good, and it was a nice end to our little getaway.

Example of why getaways are essential!

I've loved all our getaways and I'm looking forward to hopefully having many more with my best friend.  We've discovered that it is something that is much needed for us to do every once in awhile. We do love our children dearly, but I believe an essential part of helping your children have a good home environment is having a strong healthy marriage, so its important that we spend time together just the two of us.  It's relaxing, fun and I do believe it makes us better parents.

Darin, I love you and I'm so glad we truly enjoy spending time together.  You are the best husband and father to our children I could have ever hoped to have. Thank you for making our relationship a priority and taking the time to invest in it.  Where should we go next???