#9 The Best Small Group Ever!

When Darin and I first got married we didn't have any friends that lived close to us who were in a similar place in life.  We had some wonderful friends at our new church but the ones we knew well were at a different stage in life, and while we did love being with them, we longed for some friends who were going through some of the same things we were going through. In the Fall of 2007 Darin and I decided it was time for us to start our own small group Bible study. We had been in the Lang's small group for the past 6 months, but our church was growing and we needed more groups so Darin volunteered to lead a new group.  We had a few families in mind to ask, and we talked to Jeff and he gave us some more names of new young married couples that had recently started attending the church.  I remember before we even asked these people to be in our group we started praying. We prayed that God would bless this group, we wanted people to not only be committed to attending the group but to develop deep life long friendships with one another that would help each of us grow closer to Christ.

We had the first meeting of our small group at our house in  January of 2008.  At that time there were four couples and one person who was married but her husband didn't attend with her.   We started with myself and Darin, Burt and Janine, Jack and Tammy, Darren and Lauren and Ashlee.  Four out of the five couples had been married less than three years I believe and actually I know three of our couples had been married less than a year. So that made Jack and Tammy our wise guides in the marriage side of things, I think they had been married for at least 15 years at that point. Boy did we need them, I know they got some good laughs at watching us newly weds talk about our little "tiffs" as we tried to figure out this thing called marriage.  They were always encouraging and I personally learned a lot from just watching the two of them.  I remember telling Darin one night, Jack and Tammy don't bicker in front of the group like the rest of us couples do, they're always really respectful towards each other. It was a good principle to learn, don't insult your spouse, especially in front of other people, it makes the insult hurt much worse.

I remember our first meeting Darin went over the small group covenant and we all laugh now because at the time we all felt like we were signing our lives over (well at least our Wednesday nights) because Darin made it sound like you were not allowed to miss group unless you had an extreme emergency.  Lauren and Darren have told me since then how when they got in the car that night Lauren told Darren (her husband, not mine) she didn't don't really know if she could commit to the group because it seemed intense. I think later we clarified to everyone that basically Darin was just wanting people to take the group seriously and make being a part of it a priority in your schedule, but it was okay to miss if you needed to.

I think it was good though that he was so intentional about the covenant and making a real commitment to the group because one of the things that made our group so great was that people were committed to being there.  One of the other items the covenant talked about was being open and honest with the group and I remember at our second meeting Ashlee told us that she was taking the covenant seriously and she went on to share about some difficult things that were happening in her life and how that was affecting her.  I know it was hard for her to share but I think she set the tone for the group by being willing to pour her heart out.  After that people started connecting and deep friendships began to be built.

Wendy and her son Jeremy.

In April of 2008 we had two more families join our group as a part of a church wide Faith in Action study we were doing.  Our new members were Jon, Amy and Wendy.  We were a little nervous about adding new people at first because we had all clicked so well and were becoming such good friends, we didn't want our new members to feel left out.  However it worked out great. They fit in wonderfully and made our group even better.

4am friends and Easter Egg hunting friends!

Our group went on for about a year and a half.  It was a really special time in our life, almost every Wednesday night we were able to get together with these wonderful friends, study the Bible, pray, encourage each other and experience life together.  I remember one night Darin talked about how he wanted us to be "4 am friends."  What he meant was that he wanted us to be such good friends that when we had a need of any kind, even if it was in the middle of the night that we would be able to call each other and know that our friends would be there for us. We did in fact become "4 am friends", we've actually gotten several calls over the last fours years from different families in our group who needed something in the middle of the night.  Darren and Lauren have called us a couple of times because one of them was really ill and needed to go to the hospital so they needed to drop their son off at our house.  (Only one of those was the middle of the night though.)    We also got a call from Jon and Amy at 1 or 2 am telling us their house was on fire and they were watching it go up in flames.  Darin immediately went over to be with them during that difficult time and we were able to get in touch with many of the other families that had been in group with us to let them know what was going on and to pray for Jon and Amy.   I know without a doubt in my mind that any of them would be there for us as well if we needed them.  That is one of the things that makes living so far away from our families easier, because we know we have friends who are there for us when we need them.

Since the group ended most of us have stayed close and continued to grow our friendships.  We've experienced some significant life changes together.  When we started only 3 of the 7 families represented had children now three more families have two children (one of them is still on the way, but he definitely counts!)  I said before that Darin and I longed for friends that were in a similar stage and we got it! \We've gotten to experience being newly weds and then new parents with the Sivons and Penroses.  Its been great to walk that journey together.   We use to get to go out to dinner and have game nights together, now we go to kids birthday parties and play dates at the park.  The summer right after Janine and Lauren had their babies, Landon was about a year and half and the 6 of us would meet at the park at least once a week with our strollers to get some exercise but mostly just to talk to someone who gets what its like to be a new mother and is in the trenches of that stage with you.  We say it was better than therapy because we would always feel better after our walks and it didn't cost us anything!

I love these friends and I love how our families have grown into one big extended family.  Our kids all love each other and have good relationships with the adults in our group.  At Landon's dedication Darin said he was so thankful to have friends like these in our lives.  I remember he said it can be really hard being away from our extended biological family and not getting to see them very much but I'm so glad Landon will have an Uncle Jon, Aunt Amy, Uncle Darren, Aunt Lauren, Uncle Burt, Aunt Janine, etc.  Even if he doesn't call them that it doesn't matter about the title, what matters is that our kids have people in our lives that they get to see on a regular basis that care about them and are investing in them.  I don't say that to take anything away from our biological family, we love them, miss them and very much wish our kids could be with them more, but since they can't right now, its nice to have local people in their lives who have become very special to us and our kids.

I love that Emmy reaches for Jon and Amy whenever she sees them.  I love that Landon will ask me randomly in the middle of the day where Mister Darren and Ms. Lauren are and then gets upset because they are at work and can't come play with him.  I also think its great how he runs up to Darren whenever he sees him and starts starts giggling in anticipation because he knows Darren is going to throw him in the air.  It cracks me up how when we asked Landon what Darren and Lauren's dog's name was, he responded, "Ruby, sit down!" (If that's not funny to you, its because you've never been around Ruby.)  I also love that when I show up at the nursery door at church to get Emmy, Carter always runs up excited to see me and says "Hey Ms. Deborah!" then gives me a big hug.  It makes my day when I go over to drop something off at Janine's house and Sophie has to show me all her princess dolls and tell me their names.

Another aspect of our friendship that has been cool to watch is how our kids have bonded.  Landon loves all our friend's kids and gets so excited to see them.   Last week we had dinner with Jon and Amy and he couldn't wait to get there because he wanted to tell "Juya" and "Alson" all about his day and of course play car smash on "Juya's" i pod. He also will wake up from his nap or just come into my room in the mornings and say I want to go play with Carter and "Foofie" (that's what he use to call Sophie). 

The little girls have also been so much fun to watch, we call them "the girlfriends".  Sophie, Emmy and Aubrey are each a year a part in that order and it's been neat to watch their reaction when they get to be around the "little baby".  Sophie was always so interested in Emmy and now Emmy is fascinated by Aubrey.  Its cool to see how they have that nurturing instinct and are just so drawn to the babies from a very young age.  The boys are a little interested in the babies but its usually very brief and then they are on to something else, while the girls will just sit there forever and admire the baby.


I'm so thankful for these friends and the relationships we've been able to build over the years.  They've each brought something so special to my life.  Lauren has a wonderful ability to listen and empathize. She's been a great person for me to pour my heart out to because we just get each other and there's no judgement, you can just be totally real and honest.  Amy is so much fun to be around and a great example of wonderful mom.  I learn so much from her and I'm so thankful that she loves my me and my kids so much. She has been a wonderful encourager to me.  Janine is one of the most compassionate people I've ever known.  I always see her striving to do her best, both with being a mom and in her job as a teacher.  She inspires me how she desires to make a difference in her students lives, even though sometimes it can seem like its impossible.  Wendy is sweet and compassionate and just a really strong person, in fact in these past 6 months her strength of character has amazed me. She's also the kind of friend who would do anything for you, even help you with your kids when you get caught in a torrential down pour at a Captains game because your son really wanted to jump in the bounce house! 

I don't get to see Tammy and Ashlee very much anymore but they still hold very special places in my heart. Tammy was the "Pollyanna" of our group.  I mean that in the best way possible, she always tried to have a positive outlook on life and encouraged us to make the best of things.  She was the ultimate encourager in our group, which was a helpful when many of us were falling into the glass half empty type of mentality.   Ashlee was always able to speak her mind but did it in a very respectful way.  There was no pretense with Ashlee and I liked that because you always knew where you stood with her.  There were a few times before Ashlee moved away that she, Lauren and I got to have dinner together.  I always really enjoyed our special talks and I really miss those times.  I know the men are all very special to Darin as well, and I'm thankful that he has friends who have stood by him during some very difficult times and are also willing to challenge him in love when he needs it. 
   
I was listening to a sermon with Darin recently and the speaker was speaking on how to lead your family through a ministry crisis.  One of the things he and his wife talked about was the importance of having good friends who are apart of your ministry.  I immediately thought of our small group friends.  (Now I will say we are blessed to have many wonderful friends at church, even outside our small group that are also like family to us but since this is a post about the small group I'm focusing on these specific families. )  As I said before they have stood by us in very difficult times and helped us celebrate some wonderful times.  They've given us strength and encouragment at just the right time.  God has used them in some amazing ways in our lives and we are forever blessed to have them as a part of our extended family.  Looking back it is so cool to see how God answered our prayers for this group of people, not only did he answer them, He went above and beyond all we could ask or imagine for these friendships and we are eternally grateful that He did. I love them all so much and am so thankful for the impact they've had on my life, Darin's life and the lives of our kids.  If any of you small group people are reading this I just want to say thank you for your friendship and allowing us the privilege of being in your lives.  We are truly blessed!

PS: Besides just doing life together, we've also had the priveldge of being a part of many baptisms in our small group family (two pictures are above) and I just wanted to share the rest of those pictures as well!